


Alien Shit

by sn0wfl4k3s



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, drunk Dave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 12:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5004700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sn0wfl4k3s/pseuds/sn0wfl4k3s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Listen I'm sick and therefore cannot be held responsible for this.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Alien Shit

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I'm sick and therefore cannot be held responsible for this.

DAVE: karkat!

KARKAT: JEGUS DAVE, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?

DAVE: i had

DAVE: um

DAVE: i had some of roses drinks

DAVE: whaddya call it

DAVE: its like a word

DAVE: but like a weird word yknow

KARKAT: A SOPORIFIC DRINK?

DAVE: haha yeah thats it

DAVE: who even says that lmao

KARKAT: HOW MANY OF THOSE THINGS DID YOU HAVE?

DAVE: like one

DAVE: it tasted so bad man you have no idea

DAVE: it was like

DAVE: um

DAVE: bad

DAVE: idk

DAVE: i drank like half a bottle before i couldnt anymore

DAVE: turns out im such a lightweight like wow

DAVE: but dont

DAVE: dont tell rose though okay bro

KARKAT: WHAT, THAT YOU DRANK HER BOOZE OR THAT YOU SUCKED AT DRINKING HER BOOZE?

DAVE: either

DAVE: both

DAVE: actually just dont even

DAVE: just dont even talk to rose

DAVE: shes all like smart

DAVE: and wiley

DAVE: who needs her even

KARKAT: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

DAVE: karkat can i tell you something

DAVE: like

DAVE: were bros right

KARKAT: OF COURSE WE'RE BROS

KARKAT: YOU COULDN'T GET OUT OF BEING MY BRO IF YOU TRIED

DAVE: haha yeah

DAVE: well like

DAVE: no homo or anything but like

DAVE: im so homo

DAVE: maybe not like all homo but like a solid 50% homo

DAVE: im just

DAVE: ho

DAVE: or maybe mo

DAVE: no probably the first one actually

KARKAT: DAVE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS

DAVE: just some alien shit man

DAVE: cuz im an alien

DAVE: and youre also an alien

DAVE: a cute alien lmao

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: sssssshhhhhhh

DAVE: cute alien

DAVE: with a cute alien nose

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: dont you think its weird that like

DAVE: youre an alien but you have a regular human nose

DAVE: or maybe humans have regular troll noses

DAVE: dont you think its weird that noses are basically just like

DAVE: lumps of stuff on our faces that smell stuff

DAVE: but some are really cute

DAVE: thats so weird

DAVE: theyre just noses kar

DAVE: they got no business bein' cute

KARKAT: THIS CONVERSATION IS STARTING TO MAKE ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE 

DAVE: ok cool ill stop

DAVE: thanks for listening though

KARKAT: ANYTIME?

DAVE: hey could you

DAVE: could you take me to bed

KARKAT: UH

DAVE: oh sorry not like

DAVE: in a gay way

DAVE: its just that i dont really know where i am right now

DAVE: or where my room is

DAVE: and i already tripped like eight times coming here

DAVE: capes require constant vigilance

DAVE: and sobriety

KARKAT: OH!

KARKAT: SURE, I'LL TAKE YOU TO YOUR BLOCK

DAVE: thanks man

KARKAT: BUT IF YOU TRIP AND TAKE ME DOWN WITH YOU WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME PROBLEMS

KARKAT: I WILL NOT HESITATE TO LEAVE YOUR SORRY ASS ON THE FLOOR, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME STRIDER?

DAVE: haha yeah bro sure


End file.
